


I am running into the fire

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Abduction, Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Human Experimentation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Character Death, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-01-24 03:05:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18562636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: When Yuzuru wakes up in a strange place, the last thing he remembers is walking back home from school. Now, surrounded by darkness and four strangers, he needs to find strength to survive, and to hope.(aka a story loosely inspired by The OA)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been stuck in the car for the past two hours and I've new writing app on my phone, and this happened? This fic is loosely inspired by The OA; I know the tags are scary but there won't be anything explicitly graphic, if something appears I'll warn you in chapter notes.  
> Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language and writing on a phone is tricky hah.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Yuzuru woke up suddenly, taking in a deep, frantic breath. He was feeling dizzy, his vision blurred and head heavy. His body was a bit sore, as if he had been lying in an uncomfortable position, but he had a bigger problem now.

Everything around him was dark and he had no idea where he was.

He got up slowly, wincing when his head pulsed with pain and he almost tumbled down; he reached out blindly and his hand met some cold surface that felt like glass.

"I think our new friend woke up." said someone behind him and Yuzuru yelped, turning around to meet only darkness.

"Hello?" he tried, his voice raspy and throat raw, and he felt panic crawling into his dazed mind "Where-"

"Let me get this straight, okay? The sooner the better-"

"Patrick, slow down, give him a second." said some woman, her voice a bit more distant but still clear.

"What's the point, Kaetlyn, really?" the man- Patrick- snorted, and Yuzuru had no idea what was going on, but his fingers started trembling "Listen up, new one. You're a prisoner in here, just like all of us. No one will find you, even if they're looking for you. So you can throw all the hope out of the window. There's no windows in here, though." Patrick laughed hysterically, and Yuzuru's chest felt so heavy he started having troubles breathing.

"What?" he squeaked "Where am I? What-" he couldn't even hear what they were saying now, Kaetlyn yelling at Patrick, and Yuzuru couldn't make anything of their words as he sank to the floor, trying to understand what was happening. The last thing he remembered was getting out from the metro station and- and-

"Hey, hey, you okay?" asked another voice, coming from the other side of the room, or whatever that place was. Yuzuru wanted to answer, but he couldn't make a word in between his rapid, shallow breaths.

"Could you come here? Come on, just follow my voice." the stranger said and Yuzuru forced his body to move, crawling in the direction the voice was coming from. He met the glass again and he realized he was in the corner now and he curled himself in a ball, as if that could protect him from reality.

"Okay, you with me now?" the stranger's voice was close and calming in his ear "Do you hear me breathing? Now breathe with me, can you do that? In and out, slow and deep."

Yuzuru forced himself to do what the stranger was asking and after a moment his breathing slowed down, even though his heartbeat was still quicker than usual.

"There you go." the stranger said softly and Yuzuru swallowed hard.

"What's happening?" he asked, his voice small, and the man on the other side of the wall sighed deeply.

"So Patrick was right." he said and Yuzuru's heart dropped "We are captives in here."

"But why? Who-" Yuzuru asked, his voice a high whine and that drew Patrick's attention again.

"Some sadistic asshole who likes to experiment on people thought we'd be perfect test subjects." he announced and Yuzuru felt like he was going to throw up, but then there was some loud shifting and a groan.

"Shut up, Patrick." said someone in a quiet mutter "You woke me up, you jerk."

"Nate, you okay?" Kaetlyn asked with concern and Nate scoffed.

"Usual. We've got a new one?"

"Yeah." Kaetlyn said "He's, uh- what's your name?"

"Yuzuru." he whispered.

"Nice to meet you, Yuzuru. I'm Nate, and you probably already met all the guys."

"Yeah, um, except-" he fumbled and the person close to him exhaled deeply.

"I'm Javi."

"Thank you, Javi." Yuzuru said quietly "I-"

"What's the last thing you remember, Yuzuru?" Kaetlyn asked and he narrowed his eyes, already used to the darkness surrounding him.

"I was walking back home... It was late and I was wondering if I should take a shortcut... and... I don't remember-"

"It's okay." she said reassuringly "Is anyone going to look for you? Family, roommates?"

"I'm sure they will. My family." Yuzuru stuttered, his heartbeat quickening as he was realizing how terrible the situation was.

"Don't bring your hopes up, Kaetlyn." Patrick said "You know it's pointless."

"Shut the fuck up." Nate said calmly "Yuzuru, what day it is?"

"Oh." Yuzuru breathed out, painfully aware of suddenly tense silence "7th of April. Maybe 8th now."

Everyone was quiet, still, and Yuzuru's insides twisted. And then Javi exhaled deeply, as if he was resigned to the fate, and then asked a question that made Yuzuru's blood freeze.

"What year?"

"2016."

"Huh." Patrick hummed after a few terrifying seconds of silence "It's not as bad as I thought."

"Patrick, I swear to God-"

They started talking rather loudly but Yuzuru zoned out, trying to stop his body from shaking, because it couldn't be happening, it wasn't possible-

"Hey, you're here with me? Yuzuru?"

Javi pronounced his name in a slightly funny way, and now Yuzuru realized that he had an accent he couldn't recognize.

"I- I don't undestand-"

Javi was silent for a moment before he sighed softly.

"It's true, about the experiments." he said quietly and Yuzuru's heart started pounding in his chest "He knocks us out with a gas, always picks one, and then- we wake up in our cells again, sore and weak, with new scars and bruises."

"Who- who is doing that?"

"His name is Clarkson. He's a doctor, at least he claims to be one. He- he's looking for something, we don't know what-" he stopped and Yuzuru could sense his hesitation.

"And what?"

Javi didn't answer, but Yuzuru could hear his quickened breathing, so he decided not to push. It was still too much to wrap his mind around.

"How long are you here, Javi?" he asked instead, already dreading an answer.

"Year and three months." Javi said quietly and Yuzuru's throat clenched "In a few days I'll turn 25. My second birthday in here."

Yuzuru felt like he was going to faint.

"I- I need water-" he squeaked out weakly.

"Okay, right." Javi said quickly "The cells are triangles, if you go along this wall you're get to the tap. There's a pipe, all cells are kinda meeting in that point? But if you reach up you will find a light switch, I don't know if it'll work, he likes to turn it off for some reasons."

Yuzuru reached up blindly and found the switch, praying desperately for it to work.

It did.

He was sitting in a cell, that indeed was built in a shape of a triangle. There was a door, made from steel and without a knob or any window. The walls were made of glass indeed, but it seemed like there was some dark fabric covering it from the other side, maybe tucked in between his wall and glass of the other cell. There was a matress with a sleeping bag and a pillow, and also a big cartoon that was filled with some kind of dry food Yuzuru couldn't even identify. In the most narrow corner was indeed a tap and beside that was a hole in the concrete, which Yuzuru recognized as a toilet and his stomach twisted. He crawled in there and opened the tap, drinking water until he felt close to throwing up. He made it back to the matress and it really hit him, in that moment.

He had been kidnapped. He had no idea where he was and probably no one knew where to look for him, and there was someone who wanted to hurt him and those people around him and-

"Yuzuru, you okay?" Javi asked with concern and Yuzuru realized that he was hyperventylating "Just breathe, it's going to be fine-"

It wasn't going to be fine. Just some hours ago Yuzuru had been walking back home, thinking about a paper he had to write, and now-

Yuzuru broke down.

No one said anything when he started screaming and crying, maybe because they didn't know what to say or maybe because they undestood what he was going through. Only Javi didn't stay silent, and even though Yuzuru couldn't focus on anything he was saying, his calm, gentle voice was the last thing Yuzuru remembered before falling asleep.

  


"Why can't we see each other?" Yuzuru asked numbly and Javi sighed deeply.

Yuzuru had woken up some tim earlier only to realize that he was still stuck in the nightmare. There was nothing he could do about it, it seemed, except asking questions.

"I'm not sure." Javi said "It wasn't like that in the beginning, but I guess Clarkson didn't like us seeing each other, maybe he was afraid he would come up with something-"

"More like seeing you puking all that blood wasn't doing good things to our morals." Patrick said and Kaetlyn made a disapproving sound.

"Me and Kaetlyn never saw the guys, but they have seen each other." Nate informed.

"Yeah, we're going a way long back."

"So... you're not here for the same time? So how-" Yuzuru started, an awful realization coiling in his stomach, but before he could say anything he heard a quiet hiss coming somewhere from the ceiling and he immediately started feeling dizzy.

"Oh shit, it's you?" Javi blurted out "Don't panic, Yuzuru, it's all going to be fine, just-"

  


\- he woke up lying on the matress, feeling weak and numb. He wanted to sit up, but his head was so heavy he fell back again, letting out a quiet groan.

"Oh, you woke up!" Nate exclaimed cheerfully and Yuzuru heard rapid shuffling on Javi's side.

"Are you okay?" Javi asked with concern and Yuzuru groaned again "Are you hurt?"

"I don't think so." Yuzuru muttered, checking himself. He seemed fine, only there was a bruise on the inside of his elbow "I think he took my blood sample."

"Yeah, that's what he's doing on the first session." Patrick said "You should eat something, kid."

"I'm not a child." Yuzuru grumbled, getting on his knees and reaching for the cartoon box standing nearby "What is this?"

"Fuck if I know. It has a gross texture but fills you up."

It was dry and tasteless, but actually eating made Yuzuru feel a little bit better.

"Why do you think he chose us?" he asked, sitting on the matress and leaning against the glass.

"We wish we knew." Kaetlyn sighed "I think he just picks young, strong people-"

"- that won't die too soon." Patrick said flatly and Yuzuru shuddered.

It took him a moment, to ask again.

"How many people died in here?"

They stayed silent for a moment until Nate sighed softly.

"I think that's a question to Javi." he said gently and Yuzuru heard how Javi inhaled deeply.

"Eight." he said quietly and Yuzuru closed his eyes, his heart pounding.

"Who was in here before me?"

Javi didn't answer, but Patrick did.

"Christina." he said, and his voice was filled with badly hidden pain "She liked to sing."

They all were silent now, and Yuzuru could feel their grief, and he felt tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He didn't deserve that, no one deserved that, and Yuzuru couldn't understand how that situation was even possible.

He had no idea how much time passed, but no one spoke a word, and suddenly Yuzuru's lamp died, making him gasp with surprise.

"You're not asleep?" Javi asked quietly and Yuzuru shook hid head before realizing that he had to say it out loud.

"No. But I think the rest is."

"Yeah."

"Javi-" Yuzuru started quietly "- how did you get here?"

"Got drugged in a bar." Javi said, and his voice was suddenly tense "I'm not Canadian. I came here from Spain for a student conference, for two weeks-" he stopped, his voice getting thick with pain "I just hope my family made peace with the fact that I'm never going back."

"Are you really- don't you have hope-"

Javi was silent for a minute and when he spoke again, his voice was soft.

"I don't think that hope exists in this place."

  


 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK

Yuzuru's life had now a terrible, terrifying routine. Waking up, eating, maybe cleaning himself up in cold water. Talking with the guys until they heard a hiss of gas and one of them was falling unconscious. A crack of an opening door, footsteps, a body being dragged on the floor. Sometimes it was him, and he panic was squeezing his throat until he would fall into the darkness. Then he would wake up, feeling sore, his head heavy and mind dazed. He still didn't know what Clarkson was doing to him, but he never found anything more than marks after needles and a few bruises.

“Do you guys know what is he doing?” he asked once, a few minutes after Kaetlyn was taken, and Nate sighed loudly.

“I'm not sure, but I've theory that he's testing some meds on us.”

“Jeez, Nate.” Patrick scowled „Not that again.”

“Oh so what do you think it is about? He's a vampire and keeps us to have access to fresh blood?”

Patrick only muttered something, but Yuzuru didn't blame him. It was fucked up, and Patrick was always getting extremely cranky when Kaetlyn was gone, but Yuzuru knew he was only trying to deal with his anxiety.

Yuzuru had no idea how long he was trapped in there. Months, if he had to guess, but he didn't know anything. He still couldn't see the rest of the prisoners, but he got to know them, and he could feel the bond forming between them. He knew so much about them, now. Patrick was acting like an asshole, but he had a good heart. Kaetlyn was a pre- school teacher and sounded like she liked to smile. Nate was the youngest one of them, probably too clever for his own good. And Javi... Javi was the warm presence on the other side of the glass. He liked to tell stories that sometimes managed to make them laugh. He would talk to Yuzuru during his anxiety attacks, and always was the first to ask if he was okay. Yuzuru even pushed his matress closer to the wall they were sharing, so they could talk in hushed voices, long, warm conversations about everything and nothing that were making it easier to go through the endless night.

He had been wrong, in the beginning, when he thought that there was no window in door to their cells. There was a small opening, that could be opened only from outside, and sometimes there were small boxes shoved through them. Mostly food, that weird stuff with paper- like texture and with no taste. Sometimes they got soap and even platic razors that made Yuzuru raise his eyebrows.

“Oh come one, you would have to try real hard to kill yourself with that cheap shit. Also, I don't think he cares at all.”

Him. Clarkson. That mysterious, cruel man keeping them there, doing God knows what to their bodies.

Yuzuru still had hope. He had no idea how much time passed since his abduction. It was impossible to keep track when he couldn't see the sun, but Yuzuru suspected that those were months, two, maybe three.

There had been so many times when he was on the edge of a mental breakdown, but the rest was always there to bring him back from the edge. And he learned how to do the same for them. There were so many times he was woken up by Kaetlyn's muffled cries, and they spent hours on trying to calm Nate down during his sobbing fits. And there was Patrick, who sometimes whispered someone's name quietly, as a mantra that would keep him sane.

And there was Javi. Yuzuru had no idea how he looked like, but he felt like he knew him so well. He had learned every detail of Javi's voice, and it was almost possible to imagine his smile, wide and honest and tired. Yuzuru thought that Javi was the strongest of them all, not only because he was trapped there for the longest time than all of them. But he was always the first one with a calming voice, the first one to check if the person coming back from the tests was okay.

It was... giving him some kind of strength, all of them. But somehow he felt the closest to Javi, maybe because he had been the person who calmed him down during that first day. And now they could spend long hours pressed against the same wall and talk, talk, talk, and sometimes it almost felt normal, like some kind of a weird sleepover that somehow hadn't ended yet.

“It was such a disaster.” Javi exclaimed and Yuzuru smiled, pressing his back against the glass “Just imagine, I'm eleven yers old, standing in the middle of the kitchen, just staring at that little bonfire all the stuff in a pan turned into, and then comes in my sister with her best friend, whom I had the biggest crush on, and they just start yelling, so I started to cry, it was so embarassing?”

“This sounds exactly like my adventures in a kitchen.” Yuzuru chuckled “I got a bit better during the years, but I still prefer my mom to take care of my food.”

“Guys, I swear, if you start talking about food I'm going to murder you.” Nate grumbled and Patrick chuckled sarcastically.

“Are you already tired of eating cardboard? Don't worry, the diet is sometimes diversified, Javi, do you remember those vitamin shots we got a few times? Damn, those were giving us a kick.”

“Vitamin shots?” Kaetlyn hummed “Interesting.”

“I guess the crazy doctor doesn't want all of us to get anemia or something.”

Yuzuru chewed on his bottom lip, thinking before he asked a question he had been thinking about for the past... however long.

“Has anyone ever seen him? Clarkson.”

“I have.” Javi sighed and Yuzuru heard him sitting down in his cell “Long time ago, a few times.”

“What is he like?”

“He looks normal. So... ordinary. Looks like your average college professor.” Javi said and there was something weird in his tone.

“What happened?”

“He gave me some injections. They weren't fun.”

“Yep, I remember that blood puking.” Patrick muttered and Nate scoffed.

“You see! This is so testing-”

Yuzuru though that it was a solid theory, but he tried not to think about it too much. He really tried not to think too much about anything, trying not to think about the day he had been kidnapped. He couldn't help it, though, couldn't stop himself from wondering. Why him? What if he took the next metro? Would Clarkson kidnap someone else?

If he was going to die there?

“You okay?” Javi's voice woke him up from his daze “You got quiet.”

“I'm fine.”

He wasn't fine, obviously, none of them was, but it felt like the only thing they could do to keep each other sane was pretending that... that it was normal, somehow. So they talked a lot, told each other stories, laugh a bit.

It was fucked up, that now it was his reality, but there was nothing he could do about it.

“Your breathing got quicker.” Javi noticed quietly “What are you thinking about?”

“Just-” Yuzuru sighed “- just the usual.”

The usual fear, the usual regret, the usual bitterness, the usual anger.

A door slammed suddenly and the heard footsteps in Kaetlyn cell and the sound of a body falling on a matress. They all stayed silent until the door closed again, and Nate exhaled deeply.

“She's breathing.” he said quietly, and they all let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Good-” Yuzuru muttered and then he froze as he heard a familiar sound above his head “- oh fuck, fuck.”

“What the hell, he never takes another so fast.” Patrick wondered and Yuzuru fell to his knees, wheezing, putting his hands on the glass to support himself.

“Hey, it's going to be okay, you're going to be okay.” Javi said on the other side of the wall, his voice quiet and full of badly hidden anxiety “Don't worry, you'll be okay, and you'll come back here and-”

 

 

Yuzuru woke up tied to a chair. The room around him was filled with light and his eyes, used to who knew how many days of darkness and crappy lamp, immediately filled with tears. He blinked rapidly until it became a bit more bearable and he focused on what he had in front of him. There were a desk, and a man sitting behind it, looking at Yuzuru with polite smile.

He really looked like some kind of a teacher.

“Hello, Yuzuru.” he smiled even more widely “How are you feeling?”

“What the-” Yuzuru muttered, pulling at the rope “Where am I?”

“In my office. Upstairs.” the man said “My name's doctor Clarkson. It's nice to talk to you.”

Clarkson had white hair, ordinary features and a wide smile that still made Yuzuru shiver, hatred coiling in his stomach. That was a man who had abducted him, who was keeping him and his... friends against their will.

Who was a murderer.

His feelings must have been clear on his face because Clarkson chuckled quietly, shaking his head a little.

“I see that you don't have a very high opinion about me. Which is understandable, but I think- I want you to see the full picture.”

“Why are you keeping us here?” Yuzuru asked, not able to stop himself “What are you doing to us?”

“Let's say that I... need your help.”

“For what?”

“I'm about to discover something amazing, Yuzuru.” Clarkson said, and Yuzuru shivered at the tonr of his voice, the way he said Yuzuru's name “And it's only possible because of great sacrifice of you and your companions. I'm grateful for it, and I will never forget it.”

Clarkson was smiling, and Yuzuru realized that he was talking with a sick man.

And that was making it all even more terrifying.

“I want to offer you a deal.” Clarkson said before Yuzuru had enough time to collect his thoughts “I want you to help me in a different way.”

“What?”

“I know that you study physics and biology.” Clarkson said and Yuzuru felt a sharp sting of pain at the memory of a life he had used to have “And my project is getting bigger and bigger, and I will need help very soon. So I want you to leave the basement and become my... assistant. My partner.”

Yuzuru felt sick.

“What.” he murmured, his head spinning as he pulled on the ties “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Just think about it!” Clarkson exclaimed, his eyes shining, and unhealthy blus appearing of his face “There is so many things we could achieve... I would share all my knowledge with you... You're not like the rest of them, you're smarter, and it's such a waste to use you as a test object... just think about it!”

And Yuzuru couldn't help but think about it, about leaving the basement, not waking up sore and terrified, maybe... maybe finding a way to escape. But then he thought about those people down there, about Kaetlyn, Patrick, Nate and Javi, and he thought about leaving them and turning into their torturer instead.

And he couldn't believe that Clarkson was working alone. He seemed to be shorter than Yuzuru, so he wouldn't be able to handle their unconscious bodies. It meant there was someone else, who would make any attempt of escape so much harder.

Yuzuru felt a metallic taste in his mouth as he looked at that man in front of him, his chest feeling hot with anger and hate.

“I'll never do that.” he said quietly “Go to hell.”

Clarkson's smile disappeared in a second and he looked almost disappointed.

“Well that's a shame.” he sighed, opening a drawer and standing up, and Yuzuru froze with fear when he saw a syringe in his hand “I was hoping you would agree... but I see that I was wrong.”

He got closer and Yuzuru tried to move, do something, but he wasn't able to, the rope cutting into his skin before everything faded into darkness.

 

 

Yuzuru's head felt heavy and he wasn't able to open his eyes. He could hear some muffled voices, filled with anxiety but also excitement, and he wanted to tell them to shut up for a moment, but his throat was dry and raw, and he didn't have enough strength to form words anyway.

“- chill out, Javi, he'll be okay-”

“He's just not waking up for long, I'm-”

“Maybe he got knocked with something stronger, who knows what that fucker gave him-”

“I'm okay.” Yuzuru whispered weakly, reaching blindly and finding the glass surface on his right “I'm fine.”

“Oh. Oh.” Javi shuffled on the other side and it sounded as if he was keeling down “What happened? Yuzu, are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru muttered, finally opening his eyes and seeing a lightbulb flickering above his head “It's... I'm okay.”

“Any new scars you want to tell us about?” Patrick asked, a trace of tension in his voice and Yuzuru winced, sitting up slowly and leaning against the glass heavily. He closed his eyes again and he was sure he could hear Javi's deep breathing on the other side of the wall and he smiled to himself through the dizziness.

“I saw him.” he said quietly and everyone gasped, shocked.

“What?!”

“What do you mean? What did he-”

“What the fuck?!”

“Shut up, guys!” Javi exclaimed “Yuzu, can you tell us what he wanted?”

“He wanted me to help him.” Yuzuru said tiredly, closing his eyes again “He wanted me to join him.”

“That fucker!” Patrick exclaimed loudly “What the fuck?”

“He knew what I was studying.” Yuzuru said, his limbs feeling cold “Guys, he knew...”

“Shit.” that was Nate “Shit, that means-”

“- that means we're no random picks.” Kaetlyn finished for him “It means that for some reason he chose us. Yuzu, do you-”

“I can't.” Yuzuru mumbled, feeling weak, his head spinning, and he slid down to the mattress “I need to-”

“It's okay, it's fine, you need to rest.” Javi murmured soothingly as the rest of the guys started discussing something loudly, but it felt like Javi and Yuzuru were in some small bubble, far away from everything else.

“Javi.” Yuzuru whispered quietly, clinging to the last bit of his consciousness as a small detail appeared in his mind “Javi-”

“Don't try to speak, it's-”

“It's 7th of July.” Yuzuru whispered before he let the darkness overwhelm him.

 

* * *

 

Since learning that it was highly probable that Clarkson had chosen them for a reason, they were spending hours on trying to find the reason why they were chosen. They went trhough everything, their health history, allergies, even places they had visited.

They got nothing, which only brought their already low moods down.

“This is pointless.” Patrick muttered angrily “It's not like we could use that knowledge to something.”

“Well if I have to die here I'd like to know what the reason is.”

“Come on, Nate-”

“Guys, maybe stop arg-”

“Oh shit up Javi, you pillar of strength, let us mortals bitch around, it's not like he have something better to do in this fucking hamster cage.”

Javi sighed deeply right next to Yuzuru's ear and Yuzuru smiled weakly.

“They're so loud and annoying.”

“Right?” Javi chuckled, and Yuzuru imagined how he was sitting with his back pressed to the glass, only a few centimetres away, so close that he could almost imagine feeling the warmth of his skin.

He missed touch so badly he felt like he would give anything for simple hug.

“Javi-” he started quietly, pressing his hand to the wall “- do you still can't hope?”

Javi was silent for a moment, as if he was thinking about it really hard.

It was a paradox, Yuzuru thought, how Javi was trying to keep everyone in a good mental shape while being resigned to the fate himself.

He started to think that Javi wouldn't answer, but then Yuzuru heard his deep sigh and then soft, quiet voice.

“I hope I will be able to see you, one day.”

Yuzuru closed his eyes, exhaling deeply and wondering how it was possible that he was feeling so close to someone sitting on the other side of a dark, cold wall.

But before he could even try to think about it, he heard a familiar hiss of a gas and his insides twisted with fear.

“Who's that?” Kaetlyn asked, her voice panicked.

“Me.” Yuzuru squeaked and Nate gasped loudly.

“Me too!”

“Fuck, mine too, what the fuck is goi-”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check updated tags!

Yuzuru woke up with blood in his throat and his body pulsing with pain, stronger and sharper than he had felt in months. He managed to open his eyes, his eyelids heavy, but when he tried to move his head he was overwhelmed with a wave of nausea, so he decided to keep still. His limbs felt like made from lead, and there was a stinging, burning pain in his arm, and when he looked at it he saw a nasty bruise, and a big part of his arm was red and a little bit swollen. 

He heard someone’s loud, wheezing breath and choked out noises- probably Nate- and then sounds of throwing up that made his own insides twist. Yuzuru wanted to ask the rest and check if they were okay, but when he tried to make a sound he only choked on blood and saliva, his throat raw and sensitive. He was feeling terrible, as if he was going to die, and the only thing he could think about was that he had to have some water or that would be his end. 

Forcing his body to move, he rolled off from the mattress, his muscles screaming with pain as he slowly crawled to the corner of the cell where the tap was located. He was feeling dizzy, his elbows and knees hurting from the cold concrete, and it felt like ages until he finally reached it, his hand shaking as he reached to open the tap.

Water was incredibly cold and the first sip made him gag a little, but after a moment he was able to swallow it, drinking greedily and feeling himself feeling just a little bit better, so after a few minutes he was able to sit without falling on his back.

He could hear Kaetlyn also fumbling with water, her breathing rapid and ragged, and he cleared his throat before trying to speak again.

“Are you okay?”

His voice came out as a hoarse whisper, words cutting his throat like pieces of glass, and Kaetlyn exhaled shakily. 

“I feel terrible.” she choked out “And I can’t move my arm, it hurts so much-”

“I don’t know what he gave us, but it’s-” Yuzuru swallowed hard, trying to stop himself from throwing up “It’s so bad, I-”

“What the fuck.” Patrick muttered shakily and Yuzuru was relieved to hear his voice “What the was this, I can’t-” he was cut off by his own cough, sounding wet and painful.

“Don’t speak, Patrick, try to save some energy.” Kaetlyn instructed him tiredly “Nate, you okay? Javi?”

“I’m alive.” Nate mumbled, his voice close, which meant he was sitting close to his tap too “I feel like I might pass out any second and… and I can’t see clearly, fuck, everything is blurred.”

“You’re good, you just need to rest.” Kaetlyn said, firm but comforting “Javi, you okay?”

The only answer was silence and Yuzuru froze, paralyzed by a sudden fear.

“Javi?” he asked, his voice cracking “Javi, are you okay?”

“Is he in his cell?” Patrick asked, his voice underlined with panic “Fucking walls- man, wake up, okay?”

Yuzuru felt his throat clenching with anxiety as he crawled back to his mattress, gluing himself to the glass and closing his eyes, trying to concentrate. Usually he could hear Javi breathing when they were both lying on their beds, but now… he couldn’t hear anything. 

“Yuzu, is  he there?” Kaetlyn asked, her voice tense, and Yuzuru opened his mouth, suddenly not able to breathe as a realization was dawning on him.

“I- I don’t think he’s here.” he whispered, feeling tears in his eyes “I can’t hear him breathing.”

The silence that fell on all of them was terrifying, heavy, the only sounds were their shallow, rapid breathing.

“No.” Patrick said flatly, his voice hollow “No, no, no. He’s okay guys. You just can’t hear him, but he’s fine. He just needs more time to wake up, that’s all.”

“Patrick.” Kaetlyn said quietly, her voice heavy with tears “Patrick, I-”

“No.” Patrick repeated stubbornly, his voice shaking “He’s fine, you’ll see-”

Yuzuru couldn’t hear them anymore, as if something switched in his brain, turning all the voices into a muffled mix of sounds he couldn’t decipher. 

It didn’t make sense. It couldn’t be true.

He placed his hand against the glass, as if somehow he could feel Javi’s presence on the other side of the glass.

Was it possible that he would never hear his voice again?

No, no, that couldn’t be true. It was Javi, who had already spent so much time there, who would tell Yuzuru stories and make him laugh, and teach them all Spanish and talk about his sister. Javi was his rock, an anchor for all of them, the one to calm them down when they gas appeared and when they were waking up, he couldn’t, he couldn’t-

A broken sob left his mouth as he felt something incredibly cold spreading inside his chest, numbing all the physical pain.

He was aware of rest of the guys saying his name, but he couldn’t answer, his chest and throat full of high wails, and he was feeling as if something was tearing him apart from inside. 

"Yuzu, calm down, it's okay." he heard Nate's muffled voice, as if he was crying "Hey, it's-" 

The lightbulb over Yuzuru's head flickered and then turned off, leaving Yuzuru in a darkness, with not enough strength to move and switch it on. 

"My light is dead." Kaetlyn said quietly. 

"Same." 

"Yeah." Patrick mumbled "Yuzu, what-" he stared, but his voice drowned in a weird noise, something like loud scratching, the sound almost deafening. Yuzuru pressed his hands to his ears, curling himself up in a ball, closing his eyes and just wishing for everything to end. 

And then the noise stopped and Yuzuru heard the door of the next cell opening. He heard a loud thud right next to him, a heavy sound of a body being dropped on a mattress. He scrambled onto his knees, his heart in his throat as he pressed his hands and forehead against the glass, and he was sure he could hear Javi's shallow, erratic breathing, and his heart dropped with relief. 

"I think he's here, guys." he muttered "Javi, hey, do you hear me? Are you-" 

There was a quiet buzz of electricity above his head and the light switched on, and Yuzuru gasped loudly, his friends screaming. 

The walls weren't dark anymore. They were smooth and transparent, just like the glass should be. 

Yuzuru’s heart stuttered as he looked at the man lying on the other side of the glass, his head turned so Yuzuru could see his face perfectly, and he couldn’t breathe. 

He had been trying to picture how Javi looked like for months, but he wasn't quite prepared for that. 

Javi was a handsome man, but his features were dimmed by all that time of being held captive and tested. He was thin, his skin in an unhealthy shade of grey, deep, dark circles under his eyes. Yuzuru could see his arms, stained with bruises and faint scars, and his insides tied into a knot. 

"Javi." he whispered, hands curling against the glass "Javi-" 

"Give him time." Patrick said tiredly and Yuzuru forced himself to tear his gaze away from Javi and look at the rest of his friends. 

"Hi." he said weakly and Nate laughed tiredly at that. 

"It's nice to see you, guys." 

They all were bearing marks of the same fate they were sharing. Thin, pale, with too long hair and dirty clothes that were now at least two sizes too big. Yuzuru’s heart skipped a little when he saw them, for the first time after months of getting to know each other, talking, laughing and crying. 

“Well, washing will be awkward.” Nate muttered and Kaetlyn chuckled tiredly.

“Yeah.”

They all had such kind, exhausted faces.

“Why he’s not waking up?” Yuzuru asked quietly, nodding in Javi’s direction, and Patrick sighed deeply.

“He’s been here so much longer than any of us.” he said, trying to get a good look at Javi “Maybe his body is just giving up.”

“Shut up, Chan, I’m great.” 

Yuzuru squealed quietly and quickly got back to his mattress, lying down so he could have eyes at the same level as Javi’s.

“Well hi.” Javi smiled weakly and Yuzuru blinked rapidly, feeling extremely close to crying. Javi’s eyes were big and warm and exhausted, and Yuzuru couldn’t look away.

“Hi.” he whispered and Javi sighed deeply, closing his eyes and letting out a quiet whimper of pain “Are you okay?”

“I feel terrible.” Javi mumbled “Like my body is about to fall apart.”

“You just need to rest, man.” Nate said with sympathy “Also, I’m almost not offended that you didn’t even look at us-”

“Shush.” Kaetlyn ordered “Do you guys have any idea why we can see each other now?”

“Does Clarkson really need a reason? He’s just fucked up.” Patrick snorted and Nate scoffed.

“There has to be one. He made the walls black for a reason and now he made us see each other for a reason, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, sure-”

“Guys.” Yuzuru said, eyes still glued to Javi’s face “Guys, keep it down, he’s asleep.”

“I guess we should follow.” Patrick said “Eat, drink and sleep, because the psycho decides to pull the same trick again.”

They shuffled around for a few more minutes, talking quietly, but Yuzuru didn’t move. Just a moment before he had been sure Javi was gone, and the echo of that fear was still present inside him, small and cold like a piece of ice. 

But Javi was there, and Yuzuru could see him, could watch his eyelashes fluttering and he could hear his shallow but regular breathing. 

That was the only thing that mattered, for now. To keep on surviving, together. 

 

* * *

 

“Maybe he wants to fuck with us mentally.” Nate stressed out, munching on his food and not even flinching “Like, maybe besides those fucked up tests he also plays some psychological games?”

“Ugh, maybe.” Patrick agreed reluctantly “But no offence, Nate, it’s like looking for a reason  why he chose us- pointless.”

“It’s not pointless!” Nate insisted eagerly and Yuzuru noticed how Javi smiled at that with amusement.

“What, he kidnapped us because we all were single or what?”

“Woah, I’m not single!” Nate exclaimed and then sighed, deflating visibly “I mean, I guess now I am.”

“Ahh, I’m sorry.” Kaetlyn said “I actually broke up with my boyfriend a few days before Clarkson took me.” 

“I’m single since forever.” Patrick grumbled “Javi probably had a dozen of girls in Spain, and I bet Yuzu is still a virgin-”

“Hey!” Yuzuru exclaimed, only a bit offended “Rude!”

“Oh yeah, so you’re not single? That would explain why you and Javi are so cosy-”

“You’re just jealous because you didn’t get laid in forever.” Javi said from his place on the mattress. He still wasn’t feeling well after the last experiments and mostly sticked to lying down, which only made staring at him easier. 

Yuzuru really couldn’t stop looking at Javi, overwhelmed by a irrational fear that Javi would stop breathing at some moment, or that something equally terrible would happen. He had thought he lost Javi once, and he still couldn’t shake off that fear. 

“Yeah, you’re talking.” Patrick snorted, but his facade was pretty transparent for Yuzuru now, so he only grinned, shaking his head a little.

They all had learned to enjoy those moments when they could pretend that nothing bad could happen at any moment. Yuzuru wasn’t sure how much time had passed since that last, awful experiment- probably two, three days- and they all were feeling pretty good, except for Javi, who still was pretty weak and feeling a bit sick. 

“Okay, boys, can we stop with the relationship talk?” Kaetlyn groaned “Brings bad memories of the scene I made on the rink, they’ll never letting me back there again-”

“Oh, you skate?” Yuzuru asked at the same time Nate exclaimed ‘hey, I skate too!’

“Uhh.” Patrick murmured “Funny thing, I like skating too? Only recreational, but-”

“Same.” Yuzuru said, his stomach churning.

“Yeah.” Kaetlyn nodded, her smile a bit uneasy “Uh, Javi-?”

“I’ve visited a rink in here three days before kidnapping, with one guy I met on the conference.” Javi said, sitting up slowly and wincing with pain “It was, uhh, next to a really big and ugly hotel?”

“Yeah, that’s where I go!” Nate stressed “Guys-?”

After a few minutes of rapid talk they had to face the weird fact that the only thing that connected them was that they had visited the same rink at least once. 

“That must be when he looks for victims.” Patrick stressed out, pacing around his cell “Javi, do you know if other guys were into skating?”

“I don’t-” Javi closed his eyes, a flash of pain running through his face and Yuzuru knew that he was thinking about all those people who had died in those cells “- I think Millie mentioned something, but-” his voice cracked a little and Yuzuru’s heart clenched painfully.

“It’s okay, I don’t think it’s important now.” he murmured and Javi gave him a pale smile.

‘Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Patrick said, distracted “In the end, does it really matter?”

Nate grumbled something under his breath but then dropped on his mattress.

“Okay, guys.” Kaetlyn sighed, standing up “Would you mind closing your eyes as I take this super freezing shower? It’s enough that that creepster probably looks through the cameras.”

“Not a problem.” Yuzuru said along with the other guys as he lie down his mattress so he could face Javi, who took the exact same position on the other side of the glass.

“Do you think we can keep our eyes open if we promise to look at each other?” Javi asked quietly and Yuzuru’s heart skipped a beat.

“I think it’s okay.” he whispered and Javi smiled softly. 

“It’s really good to see you, Yuzu.” he murmured “I was afraid it would never happen.”

 Yuzuru swallowed hard, his chest and throat feeling tight, his fingers tingling. 

“I was so scared I lost you.” he admitted and Javi blinked rapidly, his smile turning unbearably gentle.

“I’m not going anywhere.” he whispered, pressing his hand against the glass.

Yuzuru smiled back at him, and he could feel his eyes getting wet as he pressed his hand against Javi’s. 

He couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever be able to touch Javi for real.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm a disaster author, those 4 chapters I planned are turning into... unknown number of chapters?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, please check the tags!

Javi coughed quietly and Yuzuru looked at him with concern, tilting his head a little.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just something scratchy in my throat.”

Yuzuru wanted to press a little, but his question drowned in Nate’s loud squeal as he splashed some water on his chest, trying to scrub off dried blood covering his skin. He was the only one taken so far after their… group test, but he was in a pretty good condition, suspecting that Clarkson had only taken his blood sample or something, for sure not giving him the same stuff that had made them all feel so terrible.

It was so much better, so far, being able to see each other after months of only imagining each other’s faces. They didn’t even care that much about the lack of privacy, expect of Kaetlyn, and they were trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible in that situation. Still, simply seeing each other was bringing them so much more comfort, despite the state their bodies were in. Yuzuru was still pretty lucky, as him, Nate and Kaetlyn didn’t have any visible damage beside weight loss and a few bruises, but Patrick and Javi looked worse, their skin scarred and rough, and Yuzuru was afraid to imagine what they had been through. Javi was trapped for almost two years now, Patrick for a bit over a year, more or less.

It was amazing, how they were still holding on.

“Uh, let me join you for the shower.” Patrick said, taking his shirt off and grabbing a cheap plastic toothbrush and waving with it “Hey, doctor, I could use a new one! And give Javi some new razor because he starts looking like a caveman again!”

“Well thanks.” Javi snorted “And here I thought you would be happy enough to see me again not to roast my appearance.”

“Yeah, not a chance.” Patrick snorted and Yuzuru felt a little pang in his chest, for some unknown reason.

“You’re jealous because Javi is hotter than you.” Nate stated, making Kaetlyn giggle with amusement “I say that, and I’m straight.”

“Uhh, excuse me?”

“You’re all hot, okay.” Kaetlyn laughed and Javi grinned at her.

“We all now you’re the most attractive one in here.” he said and then looked at Yuzuru, winking at him “And obviously you’re the cutest.”

Yuzuru felt himself blushing but before he could react, Patrick made a gagging sound.

“Can you stop with that awkward flirting? Like, I get it, but can you not-”

“Shut up.” Kaetlyn ordered “You’re really jealous, jeez.”

“Yeah, about what?”

“Because you can’t get Kaetlyn to be interested in you.” Nate said and Patrick gaped before yelling something pretty offensive, and Javi rolled his eyes.

“And they’re at it again.” he sighed, smiling at Yuzuru “How is it going?”

“As you see.” Yuzuru mumbled absently, folding his legs so he was sitting in more comfortable position now “Nothing new.”

“Hmm.” Javi hummed and then smiled smugly “So who do you think is the hottest one here?”

Yuzuru gulped, dropping his eyes to Javi’s collarbone.

That was something he was trying not to get into.

“Patrick, obviously.” he said and Javi grinned, as if he was expecting just that.

“Just how I thought.”

Yuzuru watched Javi yawning and closing his eyes, clearly tired and about to sleep, and his heart stuttered weirdly. 

They were all so important to him. Kaetlyn and her soft laughter, Nate and his never ending determination, Patrick and his dry words trying to mask his true feelings. They were his friends, they were… they were his family. Yuzuru tried not to think if he would ever see his parents and sister again, and he had stopped dreaming about reunion what felt like months before.

But Javi… Yuzuru couldn’t quite place him. It was as if their connection was stronger, somehow. Yuzuru still remembered the blinding fear he had felt when he thought that Javi was dead, white and paralyzing. And no matter how much he cared for the rest of the guys, only Javi was able to make him feel safe, somehow, despite their messed up situation.

But Javi had that impact on everyone, his smiled and encouraging words bringing everyone back from the deepest nightmares, able to soothe them.

“Is he asleep?”

Yuzuru blinked rapidly, tearing his eyes away from Javi and looking at Patrick.

“Yeah.”

Patrick's expression was absent for a moment and then he flinched, looking around. Nate and Kaetlyn seemed to be asleep too, Nate snoring quietly, and Patrick inhaled deeply, shaking his head.

"I'm scared for him." he said quietly and Yuzuru froze before moving himself closer to the wall he was sharing with Patrick.

"Why?"

Stupid question, he knew, but the frown on Patrick's face was deep and making Yuzuru's insides clench.

"I don't know how long he can-" Patrick swallowed visibly "If Clarkson gives him the same stuff we got the last time, he's not going to make it."

"What the fuck." Yuzuru muttered "Don't say that-"

"I've been here longer than you. I've seen what he's already been through and honestly, I'm... I have no idea how he's still holding on. He... we've watched so many people come and gone. We've seen-" his eyes clouded and Yuzuru's mind came back to a talk he had had with Javi once, a hushed story about a girl who had hung herself in her cell, before the walls went dark.

Yuzuru knew that they had no control over what was going to happen to them, and that it was quite stunning that they all were still hanging on, thinking about how many people before them had died. They were in constant danger, in constant fear, but Yuzuru couldn't imagine losing any of them, and especially not Javi.

"It's going to be okay." Yuzuru muttered "He just needs to rest, he will be fine."

Patrick was silent for a moment, and Yuzuru refused to look at him, feeling something cold coiling inside him. They didn't say anything more and Yuzuru got back to his mattress, lying down and looking at Javi through the smooth glass. It was as if the talk with Patrick only made Yuzuru pick up more details that were making his heart clench. His skin looked paper thin, pale, and he looked older than he really was. His breathing was regular but shallow, and Yuzuru had to swallow past the lump in his throat.

"You're going to be okay." he said, so quiet that no one could hear it except himself "It's all going to be fine."

 

* * *

  


"Okay, guys, can I pick the topic for our dinner discussion?" Nate asked, munching on a piece food.

"Sure." Kaetlyn said while Patrick said 'hell no'.

"Go ahead." Javi hummed encouragingly, biting into his food as well.

"Great, thank you. I want to come back to the ice rink issue-"

"Noooo." Patrick groaned, pretending that he was about to facepalm.

"Thank you." Nate stated, completely ignoring him "I just can't stop thinking that it can't be his only criteria, right?"

"I mean, Javi was there only once, right?" Yuzuru hummed and Javi nodded "So I think that it might be, in fact, his only criteria. Just looking for someone in good shape-"

"Who could live longer in this situation." Kaetlyn mumbled "It's less obvious than a gym or something, but he could easier hide in the crowd and just do his observations."

"Yeah, him and that monkey of his." Patrick flinched "How Millie was calling him, agent Smith?"

"Yeah." Javi nodded tightly, and Yuzuru knew that they were meaning Clarkson helper.

"Great, case closed." Patrick clapped "So, who-"

The familiar hiss off a gas filled their ears and Patrick swore loudly, while Yuzuru felt a pang of selfish relief when he realized it wasn't him.

"Fucking hell, who-"

"It's me." Javi wheezed, already dropping to his knees and Yuzuru felt an overwhelming panic as he scrambled to the wall they were sharing.

"Javi, Javi, look at me." he urged and Javi did that, his palms braced against the wall, his face only inches away, pale and terrified "It's going to be okay-"

His voice was catching in his throat as he thought about the conversation he had had with Patrick, and what if it would, if it was the truth.

"HEY!" Patrick yelled loudly, punching the glass with all his strength, his eyes searching for a camera placed somewhere on the ceiling "Take me, you sick motherfucker!"

"Patrick don't-" Javi wheezed, weaker and weaker, and Yuzuru wanted to scream, but suddenly he couldn't catch a breath.

"Shut up, Javi." Patrick said sharply before yelling again "Seriously, you're going for the weakest one, you want to cause yourself some trouble? You can't be that stupid, come on-"

And with that, the sound stopped. Javi took a deep, ragged breath, slumping on the mattress, his shoulders shaking.

"Huh, it worked." Patrick mumbled and then the same sound came again and he let out a shaky laughter "Well see you on the other side." he said before dropping to the ground heavily, unconscious.

They all watched as the door to Patrick's cell opened and agent Smith dragged him outside carelessly. The silence after that was heavy, filled with Javi's heavy breathing and Kaetlyn's quiet sniffling.

"It's going to be fine." Nate said quietly, as if he was trying to convince himself "We should maybe go to sleep, guys. The time will pass faster and we will wake up to his stupid jokes."

"Yeah." Kaetlyn murmured and Yuzuru nodded absently, watching Javi's face carefully.

"Hey." he said quietly, pressing his fingers close to where Javi's temple was resting against the glass "Are you okay?"

"My chest hurts." Javi whispered raggedly "I don't think- I don't think I could take that one." he blinked rapidly and then his eyes went wide "He-"

"Patrick will be fine." Yuzuru said quickly "You need to rest."

Javi kept on staring at him, his eyes bing and helpless and breaking Yuzuru's heart.

"I wish he had taken me."

"What." Yuzuru breathed out and Javi closed his eyes, tired and broken "Javi, what-"

"I want it to be over." Javi mumbled, and Yuzuru saw a tear running down his cheek and it was the first time he had seen Javi cry during all those months, and Yuzuru had no idea what to do, because Javi was the strong one, the strongest one among all of them, and Yuzuru had no idea how to help him.

"Javi, look at me. Look at me." he urged quietly and Javi opened his eyes, red and filled with tears "It's all going to be fine. We're all be okay and we're all get out of here."

He knew he was rambling, that he didn't know what he was talking about, but Javi gave him a small, wet half smile.

"Yeah, and what will we do then?"

"We'll take a hot shower, and eat rice, and so many vegetables, all of them."

"I want coffee." Javi muttered, his eyes closing.

"You'll get all the coffee you want." Yuzuru nodded, desperate to lift his mood even a little bit "What else would you like to do?"

Javi's eyes snapped open and his gaze was surprisingly clear as he looked at Yuzuru, pressing his hand against the glass in a gesture that was pretty familiar to them by now.

"I wish I could give you a hug. Just once."

Yuzuru whimpered quietly, surprised, his heart stuttering, but Javi wasn't looking at him anymore, his eyes closed, hand sliding down the glass to curl on his side.

He almost didn't look like himself now, limp and broken and hopeless, and Yuzuru realized that some things hurt more than just a physical pain.

  


Patrick never came back, and neither did the light that had used to be in Javi's eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

“Javi.” Kaetlyn said pleadingly “Javi, you need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Yuzuru bit his lower lip, thin flesh breaking easily under even that light pressure and making him taste a few metallic drops on his tongue. Javi was lying with his back turned to Yuzuru, curled on his mattress. He was like that for what felt like days now, quiet, barely eating, barely moving, lying down with his eyes closed and expression scrunched in pain.

It was so hard for all of them, losing Patrick. Kaetlyn was still bursting into crying from time to time, trying to muffle her sobs against her palm. Nate wasn’t doing much better, and neither was Yuzuru. He couldn’t get used to the empty cell on his left, to the silence that in the past had been filled with dry words and bad jokes. Because despite his annoying facade, Patrick had been their family, someone with a heart so good he didn’t hesitate to put his life in line for people he cared about.

They all were suffering, but Javi… Javi was broken, as if losing Patrick had drained him from the last bits of hope that were making him cling to his life. They had been through so much together, more than Yuzuru dared to ask, but it was clear that it was killing Javi, the thought, the belief that he should be the one not breathing anymore.

“Javi.” Nate said softly, moving closer to the wall he was sharing with Javi “You can’t do that. He wouldn’t want it.”

Javi shuddered visibly and turned around so now he was facing Yuzuru, but he kept his eyes closed. Yuzuru had no idea what to do, because these days Javi was distant even with him, sullen, quiet, trying not to hold any eye contact. It was so different from how it had used to be, with Javi carrying them all on their shoulders, always the first one with good word and encouraging smile. Now, he looked like a shell of a man, not only physically, but also mentally.

Yuzuru decided to lie down too, almost gluing his nose to the glass, watching Javi closely, his pale face and scrunched face, and it felt like his heart was breaking for yet another time.

“Javi, can you open your eyes?”

Javi inhaled sharply, hand curling on the blanket, eyes still squeezed shut.

“Look at me, please.” Yuzuru whispered pleasingly and Javi’s mouth twisted in a small grimace, but he did what Yuzuru was asking him to.

“Hi.” Yuzuru said quietly, his stomach churning at an awful emptiness in Javi’s gaze.

“Yuzu.” Javi said tiredly, his eyelids fluttering “Don’t-”

“They’re right.” Yuzuru cut him off gently “You need to eat. You need to be strong.”

“I don’t want to.” Javi’s voice was hoarse and raw “I don’t care.”

“But we care.” Yuzuru said, and then hesitated for the briefest of moments before adding “And he did too. So much.”

Javi’s expression twisted, as if he was about to cry, but was too weak and dehydrated to actually do that, so he only kept on looking at Yuzuru with big, dimmed eyes. He opened his mouth, and Yuzuru knew what he wanted to say. That it was his own fault, and that he shouldn’t have let Patrick do that.

Yuzuru couldn’t listen to that anymore.

“I miss you.” he whispered and Javi blinked slowly “I miss you, and I need you to come back to us. Please, please, please.” Yuzuru muttered frantically, hand curling against the glass, as if was maybe fooling himself that that time he would be able to feel maybe just a little bit of Javi’s heat.

“I’m so tired, Yuzu.” Javi whispered “I just don’t want to be tired anymore. I just- it felt like it was easier. Like we… like we were untouchable, despite everything, and now-” his voice caught in his throat “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

The thing was, Yuzuru understood. They had been so many moments during past months when he just wanted to give up, wanted not to feel, wanted to die. But his friends were always there for him, catching him, not letting him fall, pulling him up until he was ready to fight with reality again.

So Yuzuru knew, but he couldn’t let Javi go, he couldn’t, because without him everything would be dark and hopeless and meaningless, and-

Oh.

“You can’t give up.” Yuzuru said quietly, his throat and chest burning with something new and hot and heavy “I can’t do it without you.”

Something shifted in Javi’s gaze as he kept on looking at Yuzuru, his eyes unreadable but Yuzuru thought that he could see in them a bits of who he had used to be.

They kept looking at each other, and Yuzuru was so caught in the moment, he almost forgot where they were, and that Kaetlyn and Nate were so close, maybe listening to them, maybe not, Yuzuru didn't care. The only thing he could think about was how his heart was stuttering inside his chest and the way Javi leaned in a little bit, pressing his forehead against the glass for a moment, before scrambling to his knees and slowly making his way to where his food was stored. Yuzuru followed him with his eyes, feeling a lump in his throat as he watched Javi's trembling fingers and the way he was chewing with difficulty.

"That's good, Javi." Kaetlyn said softly, startling Yuzuru a little bit. He glanced at her an her and she gave him a gentle, almost nostalgic smile, as if she could see something Yuzuru couldn't quite understand. And maybe it was the truth, since she was probably the most insightful of them all.

"I almost forgot how disgusting it is." Javi mumbled and Nate let out a strained laughter.

"Yeah, I think soap tastes better than this."

"I will try next time." Javi almost chuckled, and Yuzuru's heart dropped with relief at that tiny, rough sound.

Maybe Javi would slowly come back to himself, maybe they all would, and maybe, somehow, they could survive.

 

* * *

 

It was maybe a week, maybe more, and none of them was taken again, and that was making Yuzuru feel incredibly anxious. There was a relief, of course, that none of them had to suffer again, but it was also worrying. Yuzuru couldn't stop and think about what Clarkson was planning.

Patrick's cell was still empty, and Yuzuru was trying not to look in that direction. He was wondering when or if a new person would appear, and he hoped that it would never happen. Kaetlyn told him once, in a quiet whisper that wouldn't startle Javi, that sometimes it would take a few weeks.

Javi was calmer now, eating regularly, smiling a little. It was so good, to see him slowly climbing back to a bit better state. Nate convinced him to get back to the Spanish classes, as he stubbornly believed he would go back to school one day and didn't want to fall behind in at least that one thing. Among all of them he seemed to be the most hopeful, always ready to form theories and bring up any ideas. It was a thing Yuzuru liked about his the most, probably, his endless enthusiasm and hope he was giving out to all of them.

Yuzuru tried not to think about the future, he had given that up rather quickly after waking up in that cold, awful place. He didn't want to think about school, his friends, parents, Saya's birthday party that he had missed. And he was somehow able to block it, that part of his mind connected to his past, to who he had used to be. There was 'then', and 'now', and now he was surrounded by those... three people who somehow had to be his entire world now.

"I can't believe I miss the munchkins so much." Kaetlyn said, leaning against the wall, sighing "I mean, they were monsters, but... and I hope my cactus is still alive."

"Cactis are tough." Nate chuckled "I wonder-"

He was cut off by a loud, scratching sound, and Yuzuru froze when he realized that it was coming from behind his door, and the scratching was the sound of keys in multiple locks.

"What the fuck." Javi muttered, scrambling to his knees and looking at Yuzuru with badly masked fear "Yuzu-"

Yuzuru’s heart was in his throat as he pressed his back against the glass, staring at the door, his muscles shaking with fear. It never happened before, that they were awake while about to being taken away, and Yuzuru was terrified, and he could sense that the other were scared too, and Javi was so close, his hands pressed to the glass next to Yuzuru, his expression twisted with fear.

The door opened and Yuzuru stopped breathing for a moment, but he could hear as Nate hissed quietly, moving a bit in his cell, hands scraping the floor.

"Good morning, everybody." Clarkson said brightly, taking a few steps inside Yuzuru's cell, Smith standing by the door and giving Yuzuru a flat glance, as if checking if he was any threat.

He was no threat, though, too weak a terrified now to even stand up properly, so he kept sitting, staring at the two men in front of him.

"It's quite convenient." Clarkson said, looking around with mild interest "That I can see all of you at the same time. Very good idea."

Javi exhaled deeply and when Yuzuru glanced at him he saw that he was shaking, and that helped Yuzuru came back to his senses, a bit.

"What do you want?" he asked, somehow making his voice steady and quiet, masking all his emotions.

Clarkson looked at him, giving him a smile, sly smile that made Yuzuru shudder.

"I wanted to thank all of you. The last experiment was a success, and, I believe, a big breakthrough-"

"A success?" Javi breathed out, and the tone of his voice made Yuzuru look at him, and he saw that his eyes were blaring with more light than in previous few days "You killed him, you sick fuck."

"Ah, Javier." Clarkson clicked his tongue "I know that you're upset, but there is no reason for big words. And in the end, he wanted to protect you, so maybe it's you-"

"Shut up." Kaetlyn said, her voice unnaturally harsh and trembling with anger "You-"

"Please, stop with the aggressive approach." Clarkson sighed, shaking his head "I came here to make something clear."

With that, he looked straight at Yuzuru, smiling with that shark- like smile.

"Do you remember our little talk, Yuzuru?"

"I do." Yuzuru nodded, his tongue stiff.

"Great. Because then I didn't push, but I'm afraid I have to, now." Clarkson explained and Yuzuru gasped as the cold realization started forming inside him.

"What?" Nate asked the question they all were thinking about "What do you mean?"

"What I mean, that if our dear friend Yuzuru wants to live, he will have to take my offer and help me. After my newest discovery, I need to move to other things that I won't be able to handle alone."

Yuzuru felt something awful and heavy in his chest, and something was raising in his throat, bitter and suffocating.

"I won't do that." he choked out and Javi inhaled sharply "I will never-"

"Ah no, no." Clarkson said, raising his hand "I knew you would say that, it's understandable. That's why I will give you some time to think about it. Consider it Yuzuru, but if you remain so stubborn-" he didn't have to finish the sentence for Yuzuru to understand what he meant. Maybe he was useless as a test subject, and Clarkson was determined to get Yuzuru to help him.

Yuzuru was so caught up in that sickening feeling of dread that he didn't even notice when Clarkson left, barely registering the door being shut. The one thing that brought him back to reality was soft knocking on the glass right next to his head. He flinched and turned to look at Javi, meeting his big, anxious eyes.

Yuzuru opened his mouth, but his mind was blank, and there was nothing he could say, and it was so hard to breathe-

"I've met him before."

They all turned to look at Nate, who was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and jaw clenched.

"What?" Kaetlyn asked, blinking rapidly.

"Now that I saw him... I bumped into him at the rink once, I remember because there was a little girl with him, she was really fragile and I thought that it was a bit dangerous for her, with so many people around."

"Oh my god." Kaetlyn gasped "A really tiny blonde girl, very pale?"

"Yes!"

"I saw her, I think." Kaetlyn rubbed her forehead "She looked sick, that was why I-"

"Guys." Javi said quietly "It can wait a moment."

He smiled softly at Yuzuru, pressing his palm to the glass between them.

"You need to agree, Yuzu."

"No." Yuzuru managed to say, his throat raw and clenched "I'm not-"

"Javi's right." Kaetlyn said gently and Nate nodded, his expression still distracted "You have to, or-"

"I've heard." Yuzuru groaned, his insides churning "But you can't- I can't-" he choked on his words "I can't do that to you."

"Don't worry about us, Yuzu." Nate said firmly "We're going to be okay, and if you will be up there, you might find a way to understand what he's doing to us, and maybe you could find a way to inform someone. I know that this is terrible, but it actually must be a chance for all of us."

It took Yuzuru a moment to register Nate's words, and another moment to realize that he was right. It was a chance, and even though Yuzuru felt sick and terrified about what he would have to do and witness, it could give them maybe a little bit of hope.

And that was something they all desperately needed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been 84 years, and I apologize, but I was struggling so much with this story. But now I have a clear idea in my head how to guide the plot so hopefully the next update won't take as long. Big thank you to all of you reading this fic!

When Smith opened the door to Yuzuru's cell after what felt like a few days, Yuzuru stood up slowly, looking at Javi who gave him a pale, reassuring smile. Yuzuru swallowed hard before slowly making his way to the door, wondering if Smith would knock him out or handcuff him. But the tall man only stepped aside silently, letting him pass, so Yuzuru slowly left the cell, hesitantly heading towards the stairs he saw a few meters away.

He was walking slowly, using the opportunity to look around the place they were trapped in for God knew how long; just like they had been suspecting, it was a basement, incredibly spacious, and in the middle of it was standing that weird construction that was their prison. Yuzuru shuddered, noticing that there was no windows, even the smaller one under the ceiling, and the only escape was a narrow staircase he just approached.

"Up." Smith ordered blankly and Yuzuru started monotonous climb; it took longer than it should have, because Yuzuru got exhausted after first five steps, his legs weak, his body exhausted after all that time spent in captive.

When the finally got up Yuzuru was breathing hard, but when he stopped, Smith immediately grabbed his shoulder and pushed him, leading him through a dark corridor to a big white door, almost shining in the dim light.

"Inside." Smith said, stopping right in front of the door and pushing Yuzuru with surprising lack of force. Still, Yuzuru almost stumbled as he moved forward, entering the mysterious room; he stopped abruptly, blinking, blinded by the the bright lights filling the space, reflecting on white walls. For a second he didn't see anything, but then he heard an awfully familiar laughter, and he narrowed his eyes, trying his best to see.

"Welcome, welcome, I'm so happy you decided to join us!" Clarkson said, standing right in front of Yuzuru, smiling at him with that friendly, dangerous smile "Please, let me just warn you not to try anything. We have some friends watching-" he said, waving at the ceiling and Yuzuru saw three cameras hanging there "- so if you try something I can assure you it's not going to end well, for you and our dear friends down there. So!" he clapped "Ready to work?"

Yuzuru swallowed hard and nodded, his thoughts running wild. Before he had had some thoughts, wild dreams about grabbing a knife or a needle, or anything, and just killing that bastard. But now he realized that it was probably much more complex, and he had no idea how many people Clarkson was truly working with. For now he would just have to do whatever he Clarkson would want from him, and try to figure out some way to escape. Also, it was a chance to maybe understand what exactly the doctor was doing to them. So he nodded again and looked around that bright room, taking everything in. Everything looked clean, sterile, even, from white cabinets to one hospital bed and something what had to be a surgery table. Yuzuru swallowed hard and tried not to think what had happened there, and he tried not to think about Patrick and his sacrifice.

"Here." Clarkson said, making a way to one of the tables standing next to a wall, with some white plastic boxes and a microscope standing on it. There was also a small fridge, and when Clarkson opened it, Yuzuru saw around twenty vials with blood, and some with other substances in a bunch of different colors and shades, from some transparent blue to deep purple. The doctor took out a few samples and put them on the table, placing them next to the microscope and then reaching to a drawer and taking out a big notebook.

"I need you to examine these carefully and note what you see. Do you understand? I need you to be very, very precise."

"I will." Yuzuru nodded, and Clarkson smiled, pleased, before walking away to the other side of the room.

Yuzuru took a deep, calming breath, and tried to focus on the task.

 

“It was weird.” Yuzuru said a few hours later when he was back in a cell, munching on his food slowly, his stomach still tied in a tight knot “He told me to check blood samples under a microscope- a really fancy one, by the way- and they were… pretty normal? I’m not an expert, but the only thing I noticed was low thrombocytes, but that was honestly all. Clarkson was disappointed as hell.”

“I wonder what that asshole is doing.” Nate hummed and Kaetlyn smiled at Yuzuru with concern.

“You’re feeling okay? You’re barely eating.”

“I’m good.” Yuzuru sighed “Just… disappointed. I hoped to see some way out, anything-”

“Don’t try anything.” Javi said firmly, catching Yuzuru’s gaze “We don’t know how big this place is, how many people is here… don’t put yourself at risk, okay?”

“But-”

“No.” Javi said, shaking his head, shifting closer to the glass separating him from Yuzuru “Promise me, okay? Don’t do anything reckless, please.”

Yuzuru hesitated, not really happy with what Javi was asking him to do. It had been torture, to stay in that room with Clarkson, wondering how far away he was from freedom. But there was that fear inside him, fear of being watched, fear of being caught; and those feelings were crashing with a strong, almost untamed want to try, to get out, to be free again. He would give anything, to escape that prison, to feel fresh air, to see his parents again. And sometimes Yuzuru thought that it wouldn’t be that bad, to try, and even if it would mean dying, he would take it. But then he thought about his friends, about Nate and Kaetlyn, and he thought about Javi, who was still looking like a ghost, pale and weak, but who was able to smile again now. 

What is Yuzuru tried, and what if would succeed? What would happen to them? 

Yuzuru wanted freedom, but not only for himself. If he was to get out, he would go only with them. There was no other option now, so he would stay low now, doing what he was told and discreetly looking for an opportunity to maybe contact someone. Maybe get someone’s trust, maybe get a hold on some phone, even if just for a minute. 

He didn’t know how much time they had, but he knew he had to be patient, to find one chance. 

“I wonder if the summer ended.” Nate said suddenly, his tone wistful “I-” he sighed, his shoulders dropping, and he flashed them all a quick smile before curling under his blanket. Kaetlyn also seemed a bit deflated, her eyes turning tired, and she wished them goodnight before going to sleep too. 

When Yuzuru had come back from the upstairs, they all were excited, asking him questions, trying to figure something out. But now, the first excitement wearing off, the reality came back to them, and all the hope slowly faded away. 

“Hey.” Javi knocked at the glass lightly, catching Yuzuru’s attention again “Here.” he said, lying down on his mattress and looking at Yuzuru expectantly. 

Yuzuru’s heart skipped a beat, something was used to by now but was trying not to think about.

“Hi.” Yuzuru said quietly when he was lying down as well “You okay?”

“I should be asking you that.” Javi said, pressing his hand against the glass, and Yuzuru immediately did the same, as always imagining that he could feel Javi’s touch through the cold, smooth surface.

“I’m okay.” he said quietly “I just… I hate it, Javi. And I wish I could do more-”

“I’m sorry. I know it must be hard.” Javi said, his voice filled with care and sadness “And I wish-”

“I’m really okay.” Yuzuru said, a bit firmer, because he hated seeing Javi so distressed. Javi shouldn’t be worrying about him, because despite what he was saying, Javi was in the worst condition from all of them, both physically and mentally, and Yuzuru would do anything to help him. 

“We need to sleep too.” Yuzuru said, smiling “We both need rest.”

Javi nodded slowly, and sighed, and Yuzuru’s eyes dropped to his lips, chapped and dry, and his throat suddenly started itching. He swallowed hard, and forced himself to look up again, and his heart stopped for a moment. 

Javi was looking straight at him, his eyes just a few shades darker than a moment ago, and Yuzuru realized that he was caught staring, and he felt his cheeks warming up in mere seconds. Javi’s gaze was serious and calm, and Yuzuru opened his mouth to say something, to break the sudden tension, but the words got caught in his throat, and he could only stare, trying to read Javi’s expression.

Javi didn’t say anything either, but he moved a little bit closer, his breath fanning over the glass, and Yuzuru moved closer too, his body working on autopilot. 

Javi smiled, with a sad smile full of longing, and his fingers traveled a little bit lower, resting them on the level of Yuzuru’s lips, thumb pressing against the glass lightly; he smiled once again, gently, and he closed his eyes, exhaling softly. 

After a few seconds Javi was asleep, his hand slipping down the smooth surface, but Yuzuru kept on watching him, heart hammering in his chest.  

It was too much, to even try to think about it. They were trapped, they were in constant danger, and there was no time and place to feel like that, like his heart was about to burst with all the emotions. 

So Yuzuru closed his eyes, and tried to remember how to pray. 

 

* * *

 

“I’m sorry.” Yuzuru said carefully and Clarkson turned around, a question in his eyes “Could I maybe, umm, go to the bathroom?”

“Ah yes, of course.” Clarkson said and waved at one of the cameras “Our friend will be with you in a moment, and then… I think I’ll have a surprise for you.”

Yuzuru swallowed hard, trying not to show how anxious those words made him feel. He was helping Clarkson out for the past four days, doing similar things as during the first day, but he never left the room. But now he figured that maybe he could try asking and maybe get a glimpse of what else was in the building. 

A few minutes later Smith came in and Yuzuru followed him through the short corridor without any windows, with a few white, locked doors, and then Yuzuru entered a small bathroom and suddenly his insides twisted so painfully he wasn’t able to breathe. 

When was the last time he had been in a bathroom? When he had seen a normal toilet, when-

Yuzuru almost sobbed when he saw a small mirror hanging above the basin, a bit cracked but clean and just enough.

The person staring back at Yuzuru looked like him, but not exactly. His face was pale and thin, his jaw and cheekbones much sharper than before; his hair were way too long and matt, and he looked plain bad, exhausted, as if he was sick. Yuzuru blinked quickly, because he felt tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, and he couldn’t allow himself to be weak, he couldn’t, and he didn’t have enough time. So he swallowed that painful scream raising in his throat and sprinkled his face with cold water before looking around. He quickly examined every corner of the tiny space, but there was nothing he could use, and not even the tiniest window. 

For one crazy second Yuzuru considered breaking the mirror and getting hold on some piece of glass, but then Smith knocked to the door urgently, and Yuzuru took a few calming breaths before leaving. He couldn’t help but notice that Smith’s expression, usually so blank, was a little bit puzzled now, but Yuzuru didn’t dare to comment that. 

But then he entered the room again and he felt his stomach dropping. 

“Just in time.” Clarkson said, his voice softer than ever “Yuzuru, please meet someone very special.”

He took a step aside and now Yuzuru could fully see a little girl sitting on a settee, thin and pale, with kind, tired smile. 

“Hello. My name’s Lily.” she said politely “Are you helping my grandpa to find the cure?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been another 84 years and I apologize, but I'm having a bit of a hard time with writing this story. I hope you will enjoy it, and see, we're close to the end!

Yuzuru stumbled into his cell, feeling dizzy and light- headed. The moment the door shut behind him he fell on the ground, his legs giving up as he tried to take a few long, calming breaths to steady his raging heartbeat.

"Yuzu? Yuzu, are you okay?" Javi asked, his voice close "Hey, look at me and breathe with me, okay? In and out, slowly."

It was just like the first time they had met, but now Yuzuru could actually see Javi, his kind eyes, his worried expression. Looking him in the eyes, Yuzuru was able to forget for a moment, forget about everything else, and it was just him and Javi, gazes locked, palms pressed against the glass.

It was going to be okay, it was going to be okay-

"What happened, Yuzu?" Kaetlyn asked when Yuzuru calmed down, and he sighed, sitting in a position that allowed himself to look at everyone.

"I know what he's trying to do." he said, and he had to swallow hard, bitterness raising in his throat, stomach twisting at the memory "He's trying to save his granddaughter."

"What?" Nate exclaimed, shocked "Wh- wait, that little girl from the rink?"

"I guess so." Yuzuru nodded "Blonde, very pale." he cleared his throat "Her name's Lily. She's really sick."

"What?" Kaetlyn asked, sounding helpless and confused "What do you mean, sick? How sick, and how we are supposed to... what does he need from us?"

"She has hemophilia. It's not... it's not a fatal sickness anymore, the doctors can help a lot, but she... she also seems to have some other condition, but I don't know the details. I just... I just know that she is very weak, and that she doesn't have a lot of time."

"Then why isn't she in a hospital?" Javi asked, confused, and Yuzuru shuddered at the memory of Clarkson's expression as he explained Yuzuru why he had taken them all instead of trusting doctors.

"Her mother, Clarkson's daughter. She died during a surgery."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, processing the news, and Yuzuru was grateful for that, needing a few seconds for himself too. Clarkson's words were still ringing in his ears, his bewildered expression that was making him look like a madman. But he also could so vividly see Lily's pale face, her sweet, tired smile and he could hear her innocent voice as she asked him anxiously if he was feeling okay.

He still didn't know what Clarkson was doing to them exactly, but he had some ideas, each and every one making him feel sick. They were not only test subjects, they were blood bags, and Yuzuru felt on the verge of having a panic attack, but then he looked at Javi’s face, close and full of concern, and he forced himself to breathe slowly, inhaling through his nose and then exhaling with a deep sigh.

“So let me get things straight.” Nate said quietly after a few moments of silence “He’s torturing us because he wants to save his granddaughter?”

“Yes.” Yuzuru mumbled, feeling acid on his tongue, and Nate scoffed.

“Because he is afraid of hospitals. What a fucking-”

“Yuzu, what happened?” Kaetlyn asked gently, giving Nate a silencing glance “Please, tell us since the beginning.”

So Yuzuru told them, about what he managed to see upstairs, and about that little girls with paper-thin skin and the most tired of smiles. He told them what he knew about the sickness, and all the doubts he had after Lily’s other conditions, and everything Clarkson was telling him to do.

“I think he just uses the fact that I’m involved in the science field somehow, so he chose me… I mean, I know my way around the lab, but there is no way I could help him. Also-” Yuzuru looked up, wondering for the hundredth time if Clarkson could hear them, or maybe if he didn’t care what his test subjects were doing “I don’t think he knows what to do either.”

“What?”

“I don’t know.” Yuzuru sighed and rubbed his shoulders, feeling a little bit chilly “Just an impression I have, like… like he isn’t really a doctor.”

“I don’t care who he is.” Nate hissed and then cleared his throat "Sorry. I'm just... Yuzu, is there any chance, a window, anything..."

"I don't know." Yuzuru shrugged helplessly "I guess that door on the end of the corridor is leading... I don't know where. And I've been thinking, about trying with Smith... But he wouldn't help us, I think."

"Don't put yourself at risk." Javi said quietly, smiling at Yuzuru tiredly "We will figure something out."

"But when? How?" Nate asked, and Yuzuru had never heard him quite that exhausted and flat "I'm so fucking tired."

"We know." Kaetlyn said, touching the glass gently, as if he wanted to caress Nate's cheek reassuringly "It will all be okay."

"Yeah." Nate murmured and then moved to his mattress, curling under a blanket and not making any sound. Kaetlyn sighed quietly and then smiled at Javi and Yuzuru before lying down as well, silence falling over their little prison.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes all Yuzuru wanted to do was to look at Javi.

He knew every line of Javi's face by now, the tiniest wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, faint scar under his left ear. He knew every detail, every little spot of light in Javi's eyes, warm like melted chocolate.

Yuzuru knew Javi's face so well, but he never looked away.

"You should go to sleep." Javi whispered "We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow."

"That's why I don't want to go to sleep." Yuzuru said quietly, and Javi inhaled sharply, blinking tiredly in the dim light, the light bulbs flickering, suggesting that the light would be off now.

Yuzuru didn't want to look away.

Every day could be their last, and if he would have to be gone, he wanted it to happen with a fresh memory of Javi in his mind.

A few more flickers, and the darkness fell on them, but Yuzuru didn't turn away, didn't close his eyes, fingertips pressed against the smooth glass.

"Yuzu, I want you to promise me something." Javi said quietly "Will you?"

"It depends. Because if it's about taking an opportunity, if it happens, and leaving you all- it's not happening."

"Yuzu-"

"No." Yuzuru said, and he was surprised when he felt tears gathering in his eyes. He thought he had cried all his tears out already.

"Don't ever ask me to do that again."

"Yuzu, I need you to understand... you're the strongest one in here. You could run, and maybe get help, and-"

"You would be all gone by the moment the help appeared." Yuzuru said, sure, because he had thought about that scenario countless of times "It will be all of us or none, Javi."

Javi was silent for a moment, and Yuzuru felt a few hot tears running down his cheeks, burning his dry, cool skin.

“Then promise me something else.”

“Okay.” Yuzuru sniffled, wiping his nose with his sleeve, not caring anymore “What exactly.

“If I don’t survive, will you go to see my parents, and my sister?”

“Stop. Don’t say that.” Yuzuru choked out, his heartbeat picking up “Why are you saying that?”

“I don’t think I have much longer left.” Javi said, his voice calm and quiet, and Yuzuru couldn’t bear it “My body… it’s giving up on me, Yuzu, after all that time… I don’t even know how much, is it two years already? I just... I don't think if I can make it. It's like every fibre of my body is in constant pain, my skin, my stomach, everything, I swear even my bones hurt. And to be honest, I just want it to be over."

Yuzuru couldn't speak, choked out by fresh tears. It wasn't the first time Javi was telling him how bad he was feeling, hell, Yuzuru could see it himself, he had seen it so many times before. But it was the first time Javi was saying that so calmly, as if it was already settled, already done.

"Don't cry." Javi asked, and Yuzuru heard a soft patting on the glass "Hey, it's okay-"

"It's not." Yuzuru said, strangled "It's not. I told you, I can't do without you. If you're gone, then I'm gone."

"Yuzu-"

"Can't you see?" Yuzuru basically sobbed "Don't you know that I-" he bit on his fist, trying to muffle his already quiet cries and trying to prevent traitorous words from escapinf his lips, beause even though they were trapped for so long, uncertain about their future, Yuzuru was still scared of his own feelings, big and deep and filling his heart.

"Don't cry." Javi said softly, as if everything was okay "Don't cry."

After that, they didn't say a word.

 

* * *

 

When two days later Smith brought him upstairs again, Lily was already there, a colorful book in her hands as she was sitting on a chair too high for her, thin legs dangling in the air.

"Hello." she smiled at him, and Yuzuru wondered how old she was. She looked about ten but she could be a little bit older, just the sickness making her look younger and fragile.

"Hello." Yuzuru said, his voice a bit hoarse, and he flinched when he heard a loud clap on his right.

"Just in time!" Clarkson announced from his spot next to a microscope "We will get to work in a second, I just have to finish something. Please, check Lily's drip?"

Yuzuru nodded numbly before making his way to the girl, checking if evrything was in the right place.

"What are you reading?" he asked with difficulty when he felt Lily's eyes on him, and she smiled.

"A book about a princess. It has a lot of pretty pictures. Look!" she flipped pages and pointed at a picture of a princess in a pink dress "That's me!"

"You look alike." Yuzuru nodded, and she looked at him again, with eyes that didn't belong to a ten years old, and for some reason Yuzuru froze.

Lily slowly turned a few pages and tapped another picture, her eyes boing into his face.

"Is this you?" she asked, her voice sweet and innocent, eyes serious, and Yuzuru's heart stopped for a moment.

The picture was showing a tower, with a king standing on the top of it, but at the base of it, there was a face of a prisoner, locked behind the bars.

Yuzuru's tongue went dry as he looked at that little girl, whose eyes were big and serious and wise, and he realized that she could be his only hope.

"Yes." he said, his voice croaked, and she blinked quickly, biting on her lower lip for a second before turning to Clarkson.

"He's a dragon!" she exclaimed brightly "Grandpa, can I go to my room to get Sally?"

"Such a big girl and you still need your doll?" Clarkson asked and she pouted.

"I'm twelve, I'm not big!"

"Okay, okay." Clarkson chuckled fondly "Please, tell Aiden to come in here when you see him."

Lily nodded and left without sparking a glance at Yuzuru, who was rooted to the spot, his heart beating almost unbearably fast.

Lily left, and a second later Smith walked inside, expression as unbearable as ever, and Clarkson smiled at him dangerously.

"Could you please go down and bring mister Fernandez in here? I think the day has come to say our goodbyes, finally.. You know what to do."

Yuzuru's heart stopped.   
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this mess took long to write but I hope you will still… enjoy...

Yuzuru couldn't move.

He had no idea how long he was standing there, rooted to the spot, his mind screaming but not able to form a coherent thought. He knew he should do something, anything, but he couldn't and he could only think about that small white room behind the door just a few steps away, and what was going to happen there.

Yuzuru had no doubt what was Clarkson's plan.

Javi was too weak and drained after months of experiments, and there was simply no use of him, not for what the doctor needed him.

He was going to die.

Javi was going to die and there was nothing Yuzuru could do about it. He was weak, so weak, and it was all too much, and he felt like he was about to collapse.

"Yuzuru, I'm talking to you!"

Yuzuru gasped, hearing Clarkson's sharp voice, and looked at the older man, who was looking at him with slight annoyance.

"I know that it is highly unpleasant to you. I'm aware that you and Javier are close. But there are sacrifices to be done." he said as if it was nothing, and Yuzuru thought about Patrick, and how easily he had offered himself instead of Javi, and his heart almost broke.

"Why don't you let him go?" Yuzuru pleaded "We have no idea where we are, or who you are, just pl-"

"Oh Yuzuru, don't be naive." Clarkson clicked his tongue with disapproval "There are things I have to do, in order to protect Lily."

"You're not helping her." Yuzuru spat out before he could help himself "You're killing her, just like you're killing us."

Clarkson's eyes darkened and he quickly shortened the distance between them before hitting Yuzuru in the face, strong and merciless.

"Don't you dare saying that ever again." he hissed "Everything I do, I'm doing for her. Now-"

His words were cut off by a quiet cracking of the door, and Yuzuru saw Smith who was half- carrying Javi, who seemed unable to walk on his own, his head hanging low.

"Great. Please, be so kind and take mr Fernandez where he should be, I will come in a minute."

Yuzuru wanted to say something. To call Javi's name, to scream, to cry. But he could only watch, words dead in his throat, and he couldn't, he couldn't make a sound, only able to think that it was the last time, and Javi wasn't even aware, barely conscious and limp like a rag doll.

It was wrong.

Everything was wrong.

They should have met differently, in a coffee shop or in a library, and befriend each other slowly, and not see each other at their worst, not share all that pain, and Yuzuru should have a chance to tell Javi how he felt, but now every opportunity was gone, and maybe the chances never existed anyway.

"Don't try anything, Yuzuru." Clarkson said "Lily will be back in a moment and I need her to be calm. You will stay here and make sure that she will get her meds and vitamins, and of course you won't be alone."

Yuzuru was tempted to ask him how could he bring Lily there while in the room next door, he was going to-

"Everything is ready." Smith said, appearing in the room again, and Clarkson nodded.

"Great. Now please keep an eye-"

"Wait." Yuzuru heard himself saying before he could even think it through "Please, can I-" his throat was burning and so were his eyes "Can I just… can I say goodbye?"

Was that the moment he gave up, definitely?

"Hmm." Clarkson winced, and then shrugged "I guess I can allow that. I'm not a monster."

Yuzuru swallowed hard, feeling acid in his throat and following Clarkson to the other room, his legs heavy and slow. Before entering, he hear another door opening, and Lily's rapid footsteps.

And then he could see only Javi, white like sheets he was laying on, thin and tired. He was breathing heavily, his eyes closed, and Yuzuru wanted to scream. He wanted Javi to look at him, and to be okay, and he wanted to take his hand, he could, now,but it would be so wrong, without Javi even aware what was going on.

It felt like a dream, a terrible one, and it just wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that Yuzuru couldn't do anything-

His body moved on its own.

His elbow crushed Clarkson's nose, and the older man yelped in pain, taking a few steps backwards and leaning against the wall, pressing his hands to his face, his eyes wide and shocked.

"What-" he wheezed, and before Yuzuru could realize what was going on, the door opened and there was Smith, clearly shocked by what he saw. Yuzuru froze, panic spreading through his veins, but before Smith could move, he gasped suddenly and after a second he was falling to the floor, unconscious.

“Sorry.” Lily muttered, dropping a syringe to the floor, and Clarkson made a weird, choked out sound.

“Lily, child, what-”

“I’m sorry, grandpa.” she said tiredly, her voice and eyes belonging to someone much older “But you’re not a good man.”

That seemed to hurt Clarkson more than the broken nose, and he only stared, unmoved, and Yuzuru too had a hard time understanding what was going on. Lily, on the other hand, seemed calm as ever as he grabbed the foot of Javi’s bed.

“Push.” she said, and Yuzuru realized that it was a hospital bed with wheels, so he forced his body to act, doing what Lily told him to do. They left the white room and then he watched with amazement how she locked the door, so Clarkson and Smith were trapped with no way out, the doctor screaming and punching the wooden surface.

It was slowly coming to Yuzuru, the realization of what just happened, of what Lily did, and he was speechless, only able to stare at that girl who was now leaning against the wall heavily.

“I- thank you.” Yuzuru stammered “What- how-?”

“I knew for long, that he was doing bad things.” Lily said, scrunching her nose “But I was afraid. But you are nice, Yuzuru. And he needs help.” he said, nodding at Javi, who was still unconscious.

“Than-”

“I called the police.” she added, slower and quieter, as if talking was something exhausting “I- oh-” she gasped softly, her eyelids fluttering before she slid down to the floor.

“Lily?” he made a move to catch her, just in time to prevent her from hitting her head. He checked her pulse and breathing, and then stood up, trying to calm himself down and think what to do now. Was police really coming? Was it possible that they were saved?

He could still hear Clarkson yelling and banging at the door. trying to get out, and Yuzuru felt his head spinning, adrenaline dropping. He closed his eyes, trying to cling to last bits of his consciousness. He took a deep breath, his throat clenched and blood thudding in his ears.

And then, he ft cool, thin fingers wrapping around his wrist.

Yuzuru opened his eyes, and met Javi's small, half- aware smile, that felt both like hello and goodbye.

And after that, he didn't remember anything.

 

* * *

 

He woke up with a gasp, eyes snapping open, and had no idea where he was.

His body felt heavy, like made from lead, but Yuzuru wasn't able to move. He even struggled to keep his eyes open, fighting against the dizziness as his mind was slowly waking up.

The ceiling above him was white, and so were the walls of that small, clean room, a hospital room. Yuzuru blinked, shifting a little and groaning when his head pulsed with pain. He was registering more and more, the fresh scent in the air, softness of the sheets. A smudge of light coming through a window.

When a nurse came to check on him ten minutes later, she found him crying silently, hands curling on the sheets and face twisted with sorrow and gratitude.

 

 

For the next few hours Yuzuru had no chance to catch up with the world and his own emotions. Doctors, police officers, and then also his parents and sister, teary- eyed and scared of letting go of his hand. It was too much, all at once, and Yuzuru felt terrible when he flinched away when his mom wanted to touch his cheek, and he hated a scared gasp that left his mouth when he saw a nurse with her face covered by a mask.

"It's okay, sweetie, you're safe." his mom was repeating, and detective Jones was saying the same as he sat on a chair next to Yuzuru's bed, smiling kindly as he asked him to say the whole story.

He learned that he was unconscious for three days. He didn’t remember Clarkson getting out and pushing him against the wall so hard he had been knocked unconscious. Luckily police stormed inside minutes later, before anyone could get hurt more.

"How are my friends? Are they okay?" Yuzuru asked, anxiety filling his veins.

"They're alive. I'm afraid I'm not allowed to share more details." Jones said, his smile turning compassionate "But I can tell you that the girl is doing well. She’s quite a special one.”

“She is.” Yuzuru nodded, swallowing pleas to tell him what was going with Kaetlyn, with Nate, with Javi, did they know what had happened to Patrick, exactly. But he bit his tongue, and tell the story again and again, until his throat hurt and doctors said sternly that everyone had to leave.

“We will come back tomorrow.” his dad said, a worried frown on his face, his mom and Saya leaving kisses on his forehead, eyes shining with tears again. 

It didn’t feel real, and it was all happening too fast, and Yuzuru was scared that it was just a cruel dream, and he would wake up in a moment in that cell again, cold and hurting. He was afraid to fall asleep, so kept his eyes open, and almost jumped out of the bed when the door cracked silently and someone entered the room, Yuzuru’s body tensing with fear. 

“It’s just me.” Nate announced, flopping on a small couch standing next to the wall, and Yuzuru noticed that he had his blanket and a pillow “I can’t sleep alone. This is so fucking weird.”

“Yeah.” Yuzuru whispered “How are you feeling?”

“Good. My stomach is fucked up tho, I can’t eat anything except jelly and bananas, I had three bites of chicken pasta and I thought I was gonna die.” Nate grumbled, nestling himself on the couch comfortably “And still waiting for my parents to get here, apparently they moved to Australia two months ago. Which is valid, but- yeah, you don’t mind me staying here.”

“Stay.” Yuzuru said, quickly “Please. Do you know what’s with others?”

“Kaetlyn is okay, we were eating jelly together. Although she has some hearing problems, I’ve no idea what that psycho applied to us for all those months.”

“Do you-” Yuzuru swallowed hard “What about Javi?”

Nate was silent for a moment, and then sighed deeply, wrapping himself in a blanket. 

“He’s on ICU.” he said finally “They didn’t let me in, and threatened to lock me in an isolation ward when they caught me trying to sneak in for the third time. But-” Nate hesitated and sighed, his voice quiet and filled with sadness and anxiety “- I met his sister today. It’s bad, Yuzu “He’s been there for two years and his body is shutting down. He-” Nate’s voice hitched, and he cleared his throat before finishing in a quiet whisper “- Laura said that if we want to see him, she will talk with the doctors. Because- because there might not be much more time.”

Yuzuru didn’t say anything, just kept on looking at the ceiling, his eyes wide open and full of tears that streamed down his face silently.

On the couch, Nate sighed brokenly, and Yuzuru knew that he was crying too. 


	9. Chapter 9

Javi’s sister looked just like him, with big, beautiful eyes and a tired smile.

“Hello.” she said, hugging Kaetlyn and then moving to Yuzuru, her movements careful, as if she was scared she would hurt him, feeling fragile bones under her palms “He’s condition is more stable now, so they moved him to another room. Come, follow me-”

On the way to Javi’s room Yuzuru learned that Laura had moved to Canada a month after Javi’s disappearance, wanting to be closer to the investigation, and that was why she was in the hospital so quickly. Their parents were still stuck in Spain and Yuzuru could feel anxiety in her voice as she spoke about it, her hands trembling nervously.

“He’s asleep, most of the time, but at least he’s not losing consciousness anymore.” Laura said quietly as they stopped in front of the door to Javi’s room “They had to remove one of his kidneys, because it wasn’t functioning at all, and there might be another surgery needed. I-” she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, and Kaetlyn smiled reassuringly.

“He’s very strong, I know he will get through this.”

“Yeah.” Laura smiled weakly, wiping her eyes with a back of her hand “Okay, come in, just please be careful, he’s really exhausted-”

“We won’t be long.” Nate said and Yuzuru only nodded, scared that if he opened his mouth he would break into crying.

The room was nice and full of light, and Yuzuru felt a pang of relief that Javi could rest in a clean, calm space.

And then, Yuzuru had his eyes only on him.

Javi was lying on the bed, his eyes closed, but he moved a little when the door closed behind the small group, a ragged sigh escaping his lips.

"You have guests, Javi." Laura said in English before adding a few words in Spanish, quiet and gentle, making her way to Javi's side while the rest stopped close to the door, not sure if they should move further right away.

Yuzuru watched how Laura helped Javi move to a half- sitting position, adjusting the pillows carefully and touching Javi's cheek tenderly before looking at them, smiling, signaling them to come closer.

Kaetlyn was the first one to appear at Javi's side, eyes shining suspiciously as she leaned to kiss him on the cheek.

"How are you feeling?" she asked and Javi shrugged lightly, giving her a small smile.

"Now better that I see you, you're beautiful as ever."

Kaetlyn laughed at that, but Yuzuru saw one tear running down her cheek, but she wiped it quickly, taking a step back and looking at Nate, who was quick to take her place, exchanging a few jokes and a handshake, and it almost felt right, but Yuzuru was quick to notice tired fluttering of Javi's eyelashes, how it was taking him a few seconds to form words. He was pale, and clearly exhausted, and still stealing Yuzuru's breath away.

His hands trembled when Javi looked at him, finally, his beautiful eyes finally not behind the glass, and he swallowed hard as he took a step closer.

"Hi." Yuzuru croaked, standing close and wondering if he could take Javi's hand. It felt almost unreal, that they had touched once already, that brief moment a few days earlier, when everything was rushed and not right.

Javi smiled, bright, tired and happy, and he slowly reached out to touch Yuzuru's hand, running his thumb over his palm before Yuzuru took his hand in both of his. They were looking at each other, quiet and smiling, and Yuzuru almost forgot they weren’t alone when Javi looked over Yuzuru’s shoulder, where Laura must have been standing.

“And that’s the one.” he muttered, his eyelids fluttering “That’s the one.” he mumbled, his head rolling to the side as his hand slipped from Yuzuru’s weak grasp.

For a moment no one said anything, just kept on looking at Javi, who was now breathing calmly, deeply asleep.

“I will-” Laura cleared her throat and gave them a pale smile “I will try to arrange with his doctor that you could visit him more often.”

“Thank you.” Kaetlyn said, smiling wetly and squeezing Laura’s shoulder “It- it means a lot.” 

"Could I-" Yuzuru started, not really sure what to say, what to ask for, but then he felt Nate's hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly.

"We will come tomorrow too, if it's okay." Nate said and Laura smiled, nodding.

"Yes, of course. Our parents should ... they should be here tomorrow afternoon, so - I'm sure they would love to meet all of you." she said, letting out a shaky breath and then moving her eyes to Yuzuru "Would you mind, I mean- do you have some time now?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to maybe grab some coffee or tea in a cafeteria, maybe?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to." Yuzuru said quickly and she smiled at him, with a smile so Javi-like he almost felt like crying.

Ten minutes later they were sitting on uncomfortable chairs in the cafeteria, with cups of tea in their hands.

"How are you, Yuzuru?" Laura asked, a bit unsure when she was pronouncing his name.

"I'm okay. Just a little bit weak. But better with every day."

She nodded and glanced down at her cup for a moment before looking at him again, a small smile appearing on her lips.

"And your family?"

"They-" Yuzuru hesitated, feeling a spark of guilt igniting inside of him "They're happy, and I'm-" he sighed, not sure how to explain everything what was going on.

He had been dreaming about seeing his family again, desperate to hug them, to talk to them, but now it was just so much, too much sometimes, their constant presence, questions, attention, all the touches. Yuzuru felt terrible for having to hide an urge to flinch away, for biting his tongue not to say too much.

"It must be overwhelming." Laura said softly "I can't even try to understand, but I believe that you will be okay. You all will be." she said, her voice cracking a little, and she cleared her throat before continuing "I've spoke with the detectives and I've heard that the little girl is doing pretty well-?"

"Yes, Lily." Yuzuru nodded "I wanted to visit her, but I've heard they moved her to some clinic in Montreal."

Laura nodded, and then smiled again, softer than before.

"He told me about you, you know." she said quietly and Yuzuru's heart skipped a beat, anxious and hopeful at the same time.

"He did?" he asked weakly and she chuckled, tired but warm.

"I wanted to thank you, Yuzu. He wouldn't have made it, without you."

"It was the other way around." Yuzuru managed to say through his clenched throat, and she tilted her head a little.

"Or maybe it worked both ways."

And that was probably right.

 

* * *

 

They all had to stay at hospital for some days, doctors trying to get them to a better condition. They all had various health issues, but one thing they all had in common were problems with eating. After so much time of eating so poorly, their bodies were in desperate need of vitamins and nutrients, but their stomachs weren't able to handle real food just yet. It was a slow process, but things were getting better, and the day they had a dinner made form rice and fish, Nate teared up over a plate, his shoulders shaking as Yuzuru and Kaetlyn hugged him silently.

Javi was moved from ICU after a few days, and he was getting better as well, stronger and stronger with every day. Yuzuru didn't really have a chance to be alone with him, even for a moment, always someone around them. Javi's family was barely leaving his room, as if afraid that he would disappear again.

Kaetlyn was the first one to leave the hospital, and Nate followed two days later, his family at his side and a smile blossoming on his face.

"Well, I guess time to see the world." he said when he came to say his goodbyes "If you ever feel like coming to Australia, hit me up." 

"I will." Yuzuru said, hugging him tightly and fighting with tears gathering in his eyes.

It felt so wrong, that they all were going their separate ways now, after so many months spent side by side, helping each other survive even though they couldn't teach, or sometimes even see each other.

The police gave them a green light to leave, since the investigation against Clarkson was still in progress, detectives trying to collect as much data about all the victims. It would take long, months or years, and now they all had to try and build their lives again.

It was scary, and Yuzuru wasn't sure how to do it, but he discovered that it helped, to talk. He talked with the doctors, with psychologist, with his family. He wished he could talk with Javi too, but he knew that there would be another chances, when they would both be healthy and in better condition, in better circumstances to figure out who they were and what they were going to do and with all the feelings that had formed in between them.

"You need some vacation." his doctor told him when he was signing him out from the hospital "Some place when you could rest and catch a lot of sun, and eat fresh fruit."

"I don't really want to go anywhere far until Javi's here." Yuzuru said and the doctor blinked quickly before smiling at him with sympathy.

"He will be leaving the hospital soon too." was all he said but something in the tone of his voice made Yuzuru's skin crawl, as if there was something more to it.

He was debating with himself if he should go and find Laura, but when he came back to his room to pick up his bags, she was there, talking with Saya.

"Hello, Yuzu." she smiled, but there was some strain around her lips, as if she was hiding something "I just, uhm, talked with your family, and the doctors, and we think… would you like to go to Javi? I think you would like some time alone, finally-"

"Is he okay?" Yuzuru asked anxiously, still something unnatural in Laura's expression "Is he worse or-" 

"No, no, he's doing really well." Laura said hurriedly "Just- I will tell you on the way."

 

 

Yuzuru was standing next to Javi's bed, and tried to cry. to keep himself together. He felt like he could burst into tears at any second, but he tried not to, not when Javi was looking at him, really looking at him, his gaze clear and not blurred by pain or meds, a soft smile on his face. 

“Hey.” he murmured, reaching to touch Yuzuru’s cheek, and it felt so unreal, to be touched by Javi, but it also was the only thing grounding him right now “Don’t cry.”

“I’m not.” Yuzuru choked out, reaching to touch Javi’s palm, keeping it close to his cheek "I just- I-" 

"Shh-" 

"I know, that you want to-" Yuzuru choked around the words "And I guess I'm selfish." 

Javi's smile dimmed at that, face scrunching with longing and regret, but no doubt 

"Come here." he muttered, moving in his bed a little and making just enough space for Yuzuru to fit in. 

It felt like too much, and not nearly enough, so Yuzuru closed his eyes, breathing in Javi's scent and trying to stop himself from trembling. For a moment they didn't say anything, just breathed, holding each other, and Yuzuru wanted to believe that it was only the beginning, and not the ending. 

"When?” he asked, his fingers curling on Javi’s chest, right over his heart. 

It took Javi a moment, to answer. 

“They’re signing me out on Monday, and the plane is on Tuesday morning.”

“And you’re okay to travel?” 

It burned, to ask out loud, and Yuzuru felt terrible for hoping that maybe they could bought themselves a few more days. 

Javi didn’t answer, just held him close, and Yuzuru couldn’t fight with himself anymore, letting a few tears to run down his face. He felt stupid, for not thinking about that earlier. But they had been too busy trying to survive to think about how the possible future would look like. 

It all made sense. It made so much sense, that Javi wanted to go back home, far away from the country that had been the place of such great suffering, that he wanted to go back to the familiarity of his house, his city, his family, because he missed out on so many things. 

It was simple, and it was the right option for him, but Yuzuru’s head was still swimming as he tried to come to terms with what he had already lost. 

“Stay here.” Javi asked quietly, tangling his fingers in Yuzuru’s hair loosely “I’m on a really good terms with the nurses in here, they are okay with that. My charm didn’t disappear, I guess.”

Yuzuru laughed wetly at that attempt of a joke, shifting closer and pressing his nose against Javi’s jaw, lips just brushing his skin. 

They didn’t talk much, because there wasn’t enough time, and there never would be, and the best things the could do right now was to hold each other as close as possible and trying to make up for all the missed time from the past and all they time apart that was yet to come.

“You should come to Spain, one day.” Javi whispered, the room dark, only a faint light of streetlights coming through the crack in between curtains “Once you finish school and feel like travelling. We could go to a beach and eat mangos.”

“My doctor told me I need sun and vitamins.” Yuzuru croaked, vaguely realizing that Javi’s shirt beneath his cheek was soaked with tears. 

“You see?” Javi whispered, his voice cracking as well “What a perfect solution.”

Yuzuru took a calming breath and propped himself on his elbow, so he could look at Javi’s face, close, familiar and so precious, and everything inside him hurt, but there was also something warm, somewhere close to his heart, like calm and hope, and love.

“I love you.” he said, and Javi smiled, his hand coming to cup Yuzuru’s face. 

“And I love you.” he said, stroking Yuzuru’s cheek tenderly “But I need to learn how to by myself again.” he murmured and Yuzuru understood. 

There was so much sadness, so clear in his eyes, and Yuzuru knew that he was mourning, he was mourning over Patrick, over all those people that he had lost, years and health taken away from him so brutally. 

Yuzuru took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he leaned forward, bringing their foreheads together. 

Future was still a few days away, and now, they still had each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story finally came to an end! It was a tough one, because after a few chapters I really struggled with writing it, but I'm pretty happy with how it ended. I know the story could have been longer and more interesting but overall I'm pretty pleased, also that ending was planned since day one, even though I was tempted to change it :p Thank you so much for being with the story and all your support!

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments!


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